27th June 2013
I had a terrible day today. I don’t think anybody likes me much. Well, I knew this was kind of true but I guess I was just in denial about this. I hardly find anybody talking to me in college. I don’t know if I look that ugly to be avoided. But that girl Akshaya who sits in the 4th row is the ugliest girl I have ever seen, I don’t think she faces this problem but. Am I being too mean here? It shouldn’t matter as this is a diary only.
Today something beautiful happened. While I was sitting near my window, reading Fountainhead, I happened to glance out for no apparent reason. That is when I saw her walking across the road. I am sure I saw her glance towards me through the window. She is pretty. She’s way prettier than her photos I have seen on Facebook.
I don’t know why I am feeling all happy.
I’m sure she mustn’t have seen me.
But I’m sure I saw her look at me.
11th August 2013
I haven’t been able to make a daily entry into my diary these days. Doesn’t matter. All that matters is her.
Was I in actual shock when she messaged me on Facebook saying that she must’ve seen me the other day? Though she did it few days later, she did!
I knew that she did.
We chatted for a long time on the 6th day. I think I’m blushing while writing this. I don’t know exactly what that means though, but I guess it should be this.
She is beautiful. She is pretty.
Tomorrow she has asked me to meet her. I am excited. We’re going for a movie.
I haven’t been to a movie with anyone. And I’m so glad that it’s with her.
Why’s is my heart beating this fast.
I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep till morning.
12th August 2013
Today was the best day of my life.
I couldn’t believe that I had spent the day with her. I could feel my heart skip a beat when she smiled at me. Laughing at my stupid jokes.
Her curly hair made her look much prettier contrary to what she believed. Her eyes seemed to tell a story by themselves. I couldn’t stop admiring her the whole time.
Am I in love?
23rd August 2013
I’m in love.
I just cannot stop thinking about her.
5th October 2013
Today she confessed that she is in love with me. I almost had an heart attack. I never had the balls to confess this to her, but she did. She later told me that I was crying.
She hugged me.
She smells so nice. So addictive.
9th November 2013
We have been spending most of the time together. My hands feel empty and useless without her hand clasping it.
My college classmates should be jealous now. That I have such a beautiful girl who loves me more than anybody does. May be not more than my mother, but yeah.
I just cannot stop thinking about her every minute.
Waiting for classes to end has become a habit. I don’t even get time to write the diary as we keep talking on phone. Today she had some guests visiting, so I got some time.
I guess she is calling.
19th January 2014
Today she told me that she feels we wouldn’t work out. She believes that we have no future.
I was almost devastated when I heard that How could she say something like that. I had built up my dreams and future revolving around her. I wanted to be with her in every step of my life.
She has told me that she’ll go away. Move on.
I can’t understand what is happening.
Has she started to hate me too?
Like everyone else?
17th February 2014
I don’t have the strength to even write this down.
The pages are getting wet from my tears. Fuck.
I shouldn’t cry. She moved on. She doesn’t want me anymore. I’m ugly after all.
How will I live now? I need to shout this out to somebody. I don’t have anybody. She was the only one. The only one I thought that was mine. Why is she doing this?
I’ll die.
16th March 2014
My mom tells me not to lie.
They don’t believe she was actually my girlfriend. Heck, they don’t even believe that she exists. Even my parents feel that I don’t deserve a person who would love me. Now, I cannot say that she loves me.
But did she?
Yes she did. I would like to believe that. Her eyes would never lie. Nor will her smile.
I still love her.
Fuck, I’m crying again.
Why did she disappear from my life?
I need her.
23rd March 2014
I overheard that doctor with shiny head tell mom that I’m having something called shitzohenia. I don’t think that’s the correct word too. I don’t know what that means either. Google isn’t helping.
He asked me how often I used to see her. I explained them everything.
I explained him how pretty she looked when she used her finger to push her hair behind her ear. How beautiful she looked when she smiled.
They don’t believe me.
24th March 2014
The bald doctor asked me to show her Facebook page to him. I told him that she had blocked me.
He then told me that he could search from his account instead.
I don’t know why, I couldn’t remember her name at the moment. I can remember only her face. Her smile.
I have forgotten her name.
12th April 2014
They tell me she wasn’t real.
That she was something I created. I refuse to believe that. How can I love someone so hard if they weren’t real. Also how could my imaginary girlfriend love me back so much?
The next time he tells me that she was non-existent, I’m going to ask that old man who is always standing beside the bald doctor, to throw him out of the door with his horns.
He has agreed that he will.